Welcome to Chatting Online With Babes.  I’ve been collecting online conversations for years (when I’m mindful enough to capture them for later use.) This first installment has been saved as a draft in my WordPress since Jan 2011, and I’ve been migrating it around from text file to text file prior to that. It is ...

This poem is called “Cancel Gaming Night” I slipped on the ice Said the girl on the phone This blood looks like cherry syrup Did you make a snow cone?

I’m making a new horror game called Endless Bloody Hallways With Distant Baby Cries.  I’m hoping it will be the first of a franchise. The back of the box will read: Cries you can never reach, no matter how far you walk! Hallways never end. Infinite replayability! Sometimes there are locked doors! Keeps you guessing! ...

A raw piece of garlic falls in the shadow of the meatball today. Avoid unnecessary risks.

For your amusement, here’s my criminal wishlist, which I came up while riffing: – Jump into a car and shout “drive,” while hanging out the window and shooting at a police tail. – Shoot one of my own henchmen because he displeased me, preferably on a transatlantic flight of my private jet – Trade a ...

If I could have a real life cybernetic implant, the first one I’d get would disable Sticky Keys on any PC I come in contact with.

So apparently there is a new law on the books requiring California restaurant chains to post calories on all of their menu boards. In my usual tone, here is what I had to say about it. It’s a slippery slope. Next they’ll be requiring resident dietitians to be preset at every McDonalds.  And just look what they did ...

Greetings, friend. You are attempting to reach Justin; However, he is out of the office until August 19th and has left me, a lowly robot, in his place to perform his duties. Unfortunately, I am merely version 1.0 and I am only capable of responding with this auto-generated message informing you of both Justin’s leave ...